On this silent street, lies a house once filled with warmth, happiness and joy.A house that echoed with the laughter of children in the afternoon, and quibbles at night. And it drifted away just like that.
10 years ago, the exact description seemed to fit perfectly into my life. A life without worrying of tomorrow, when I can sleep, play and enjoy myself in my own realm.
A life that I am contented with, without the need of internet or materials. That was me, 10 years ago. Feed me with good amount of food, bring me out to shopping malls, and short trips to grandma house. Sitting in the back of car, popping my head up behind the window as I passed by roads that I became familiarized with is somewhere in the back of my mind vividly clear.
I told myself to work hard from then onwards, to strive harder in life for profitable returns in order to repay the kindness/warmth and care that I once received unconditionally.
Although I was never rich, I prided myself for getting nicer/better things in life. I was clothed with KIKILALA or LADYBIRD, with sport shoes that I reckoned is the "Nike" for my age. I was happy just like that.
I didn't demand much as a 10 year old kid. I had my troubled times, but I hold firm to my own belief that as long as I get over this, better things will come my way. I moved on into different chapters of my life, encountering people as I go along that I called best friends, archenemies, or friends that I could confide in.
Things changed, weather changed, people changed. Despite all the hardships that I've been through, I never once told anyone about the bitter part of my life. I was that strong.
But then, God decided to put me into a test I can no longer handle. My strength can no longer be the impenetrable shield that could block myself from everything. Everything has weakness. I feel my willingness to move on had stopped, I no longer hope for tomorrow,I wished the time can just stop now.
The essence of life is not there anymore. The one I hoped to see in the future, that I can take care of is a question with no answer. My happiness fled in that instant moment.
The vision I had 10 years ago now, is nothing but a void of emptiness filled with sorrow, sadness and bitterness that slowly crept into me.
What's left in me?
What's left to hope for? Can there really be future from this point? cause I can't see anymore and i don't wish to see.
Appreciate. The clock is ticking.
I have no depth/ inside on whatever it is you are going thru, so my words of encouragement may sound shallow. But know that whatever happens, you still have your friends around to share that burden of yours.
ReplyDeleteWe may not have been close, but my shoulders are always open!
Don't give up on life and hope!