Scribble #17

Every night I place my head under the pillow.

I could, for a minute, divulge my fears to my tears.

But the thing is, sometimes I feel so suffocated underneath the pillow. I feel like the air around me has gone away, and it seems like I can't breathe at all.

Just when I think that I would die from suffocation and I need to remove the pillow, then I realise, is there a difference if I remove it at all?

The logic is very simple, you see: if no one can hear me crying, then no one could see me dying.

Scribbles #16

They say you can live without that someone. That you won't really die. 'Cause you are really so strong.

Well if merely taking breathes away while waiting faithfully for your own demise constitutes the definition of living, then yes, I am living.

In fact, never having to worry if that someone is thinking about you at the same time just made me feel that I have found my fairy-tale ending - and I am living happily ever after, with myself.

Who's whose substitute?

I was lying on a bed, looking at the spinning fan on the ceiling. Such a speed, would it crash? Would it not run out of control? I wondered, will the fan ever become bored, being pinned down at a fixated focal point on the ceiling; or is that the reason why it is spinning so madly - to try to break free from the nuts and bolts that bound it?

Doesn't it resemble my life, running around in circles - happily believing that with every turns, I would, I could, find myself a new hope to go on - which in the end only to realise how foolish I was to end up at the starting point, over and over again.

There were times I was so tough and built to last. Like a shiny robot crafted by an adroit scientist, I could not get scratched by all these cuts. I was very surprised to find myself that, one day, I was capable of bleeding. That I have the permission to cry. That I was made of blood and flesh. The wound was stitched, and I put on band aids, of course, made of hope.

Then fateful one day, when I happen to run out of hope, I thought maybe the wound has healed; maybe it has become a scar. I tear the band aid away, and I realise it was bleeding. It took me some moment to realise I was the one that caused the bleeding - that tearing the band aid away is like unplugging a leaking dam - all hell is to break loose.

I was lying on the bed, looking at the spinning fan on the ceiling. I have a lot of questions running through my mind, demanding answers. But one thing is for sure.

The fan isn't the only thing spinning that night.

Follies of Youth

Perhaps I was mistaken and we were never meant to be after all. The first steps I took at the beginning with you, they were so full of joy and hope and we-- Well, I was so convinced that soul mates do exist and that I have found mine. Alas, the follies of youth.

Since then, much have we been through. The bad times more prominent than the good, yet we held on, foolishly believing there is anything left to salvage. I wear my heart on my sleeve for you and the world to see, but you have locked yours and the key sunk into the depths of the ocean. And my foolish girlhood dreams of love, shattered.

Why am I kept shackled if you refuse to open your heart to me? Your chains are the frailest of threads, yet woven intricately with the sharpest of thorns. Your ardent words of my freedom are riddled with self pity, and with guilt playing at a string of my heart, how am I to unbound myself of ye.

I can no longer tell between the dichotomy of love and mere lingering attachment. Or perhaps, it is simply that I have yet to taste the true flavor of love...

Meaningless post that I like!

A perfectionist's list (★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ perfectionist deserves many many stars wtf)

You can call me kiasu, self-absorbed, self-centered, selfish, starfish, opportunist, or whatever shit lah. Let's all be realistic and listen!

I just need a heavy dose of sarcasm to wake me up from this reverie. How I got so incensed over people who acted smart and those slumber people is getting right on my nerves. Before you know it, I start to spit fire *RAGES*

Anyway I've come up with this jaw-dropping, ear-splitting(not audible in this case), eyes-rolling, body-turning, lips smacking (just in case) list of being a perfectionist (but again is highly unattainable, just a thought only okay!)

• Attend ivy league schools (or Top 10 Universities in the world) No, thank you very much I'm not a nerd but waittttt! *strangulated voice*
  
  

Natalie Portman graduated high school with a 4.0 and headed off to Harvard where she received a Bachelor’s Degree in psychology. She attended Hebrew University on a graduate level and is fluent in Hebrew, French and Japanese. *JAW DROP*

Matt Damon - A consistent straight-A student through grade school and high school, Matt studied English at Harvard University. *ENGLISH MAJOR(in your face), nah not that nerd also!*

Adam Sandler went to New York University where he majored in Fine Arts; a common degree for those who want to pursue a career in acting. *This one slightly failed but is NYU, so indirectly draws back all the negativity he had on his head back then :P*

Thanks for reading bye.

The Will To Win

If you want a thing bad enough

To go out and fight for it,

Work day and night for it,

Give up your time and your peace and

your sleep for it

If only desire of it

Makes you quite mad enough

Never to tire of it,

Makes you hold all other things tawdry

and cheap for it

If life seems all empty and useless without it

And all that you scheme and you dream is about it,

If gladly you'll sweat for it,

Fret for it, Plan for it,

Lose all your terror of God or man for it,

If you'll simply go after that thing that you want.

With all your capacity,

Strength and sagacity,

Faith, hope and confidence, stern pertinacity,

If neither cold poverty, famished and gaunt,

Nor sickness nor pain

Of body or brain

Can turn you away from the thing that you want,

If dogged and grim you besiege and beset it,

You'll get it!

Berton Braley

Hello, March

I am anonymous and androgynous.

"Death erases all traces, all memories of lives that once existed, completely and forever. Of course we help it in its task—we’re the ones who do the forgetting.” - Tash Aw

-taken from photobucket.

再见亦是朋友

从前从前，有个男跟女，他们是好朋友。

他们无所不谈，什么都可以聊，还不时逗对方开心。

可是，他们的关系突然来个180度急转弯，

她突然不再联络他了，不再sms，不再谈天，不再互逗对方了，

他每天都等待着她上线，盼望着有一天她会睬他，

但他们却由从前的无所不谈演变成现今的沉默相对。

他开始觉得不习惯了，他顿时觉得很空虚，一直想找回从前的那个感觉。

他不断地寻找各种途径去联络她，以挽回一段他珍惜已久的情谊，

可是她却不断地回避他......敷衍他，一次又一次地对他冷言相向。

在这僵持不下的情况下，他唯有选着缅怀过去也不敢再打扰她了。

其实,他一直都知道那女的暗恋他。他懂的...真的懂！

他不是植物人，他真的感觉到......体会到她的那一份情谊。

但他却迟迟没有接受她或向她表白，

不是因为样貌或身份问题，而是他知道最终是不会又结果的。

他明白远距离恋爱是行不通的，因为这需要大量的信任及忠诚度来维持下去。

结果，他做了一个让他现今非常懊悔的决定，就是给了她一个假希望！

他从未想过要欺骗她的感情，他只不过想在他离开前能留给她最美好的回忆，

但这反而害了她，让她泥足深陷，

所以他宁愿隐瞒着她，也不想告诉她真相，

因为他不忍心看着一个那么天真可爱的女生受伤害！

可是，他错了......还错得很离谱！他现在才明白他所做的一切反而伤得她更深！

男：“我们还是朋友吗？“

女：”是，但我们不可能再好像以前这样了。”

她的每一字，每一句就犹如冷箭般地刺进了他的心坎里，他再也感受不到以前的那股暖流了。

他真的很懊悔他所做的一切...简直无地自容，她回避他，也是应该的！

因为这若发生在他身上，他也可能会酱做，因为他也不懂要如何面对她！

现在的他，并不期望些什么...

他只想跟她说一声：

对

不

起

！！

但是，她真的能听到他心中的呐喊及愧疚吗？

他衷心地希望时间能淡化一切，然后她会再找回他，跟他谈天，

或许无法像以前一样亲密，但至少不再互相回避对方！

再见亦是朋友！

可是，真的会有那么一天吗？？ 他真的不敢抱太大期望。

要等到那一天的到来，是一件那么遥不可及的事.......................

*若有雷同，纯属虚构＊

亨

Scribbles #15

Strike me with fear and strike me with terror,

but my heart is immune from Cupid's arrows;

I do not know how well this scribble would rhyme,

I only know, quite well, that you would never be mine.